- Amy D. Byrne, LMFT
How To Determine the Warning Signs In Your Relationship
There are several clues that demonstrate marital problems. Too often, people wait until the marriage relationship has gone haywire before seeking help. Seeking help earlier avoids many of the issues that couples face on their own. Research shows that couples wait an average of 6 years before seeking help for their marital problems. Moreover, the vast majority are not even looking to save their marriage. Instead, they rush to divorce without thinking about the impact on their own lives and on that of their children. The simple reality is that there is a solution to the majority of marital problems. Couples who have marital problems can find love again and rebuild their marriage. They may find that they have better communication and their relationship improves. For this, it is necessary to know how to seek the necessary help and support more quickly and thus avoid the downward spiral that brings couples to the edge of the abyss.
The Warning Signs
Here are five warning signs that your wedding really needs a serious boost.
1- You start looking elsewhere
When a marriage begins to falter and conflicts persist, either spouse begins to compare the worst of their current condition with the best that another relationship could offer them. And, inevitably, appears a friend, an office colleague or an old flame found on Facebook or other. Fantasies begin to emerge, and the person likes to imagine new scenarios of life imbued with lasting peace, complicity and happiness. But now, it only increases disengagement from marriage and only complicates the situation.
2- The intensity and frequency of arguments increase
It is impossible not to have conflicts and dissensions when it comes to marital problems. This is part of the adjustment of life as a couple. Unfortunately, some immature couples fail to compromise. So they clash, confront each other, argue and everything degenerates. In the long run, when problems are not solved, tensions persist and increase. Sometimes this leads to psychological, emotional, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse.
3- You spend less time together
When arguments persist, spontaneous reactions are avoidance and isolation. Spouses avoid each other by finding all kinds of excuses, such as extra work in the office, children or unplanned outings, etc.
4- You are more and more worn out
The most common problem among couples is not, in my opinion, lack of communication, or financial worries or problems with intimacy. Of course, all these problems will have an effect on their married life. The real problem is the deterioration of the relationship from the inability to solve these problems. The more the couple argue, the less the problem is solved and the more the hope of getting out of it evaporates.
5- You don't see the day when this could change
Finally, the sum of all the previous symptoms often leads the couple to disillusionment, discouragement and despair to see things change. The temptation, at this time, is to throw in the towel and plan, secretly, to leave the spouse. Plans are beginning to be drawn up and strategies are being developed. The couple's life hangs by a thread and their marital problems become worse.
In conclusion, here is some advice. First, go for help. The objective is looking for a good advisor, therapist or counselor to give you the right suggestions to fix your marital problems. Secondly, you may have seen the worst about your spouse, but you may have forgotten, in the midst of storms, what was best about him or her. Remember that there was one time that you both experienced passionate love. This love may be buried, but it can come to the surface. Thirdly, take firm resolve and commitment to solving the problems you face. Finally, you should seek help from a marriage and family therapist to mediate and aid you both in resolving your issues.